Problems I Don't Have

Today I have been making plans with a friend to go to the movies. My friend has recently started living with her (monogamous) partner. Since the partner has moved here to be with her, she can't leave him alone of an evening because he will have nothing to do. He doesn't have other friends in the area, and apparently can't spend time on his own. To be fair, her roommates are having a party tonight and I would find it weird to be at a party at my partner's house when my partner wasn't there.

Another friend of mine moved in with her partner about half a year ago. Once that happened, it became impossible to spend an evening with her without him, because she couldn't leave him alone either.

We all have known people who once they acquired a partner, especially a live-in partner, were never to be seen again sans partner. A common feature of modern life, it separates single people from partnered people in an ugly way. Couples do all things together; singles look on, jealous. A single person spending time with a couple can feel like a third wheel. Couples can smugly show up together to parties. Coupledom is what we're supposed to aspire to.

I don't want to be like that. I don't envy couples. I've been that person, and it wasn't good for me. I want to be my own individual person, and I want my partners to be their own individual persons. Part of me wants to have a talk with my friend about her partner needing to make his own friends, but most of me thinks that's a lesson people need to learn for themselves. I don't know if I'd have listened when I was in the thick of it, if someone would have told me. But it sucks to be thinking that someone was more fun when they were single, an individual, free and untethered.

I am that. I go where I want, I do who I want. I spend time with my partner when we make plans together, and we sometimes do go to parties together or spend time with other folks together as a couple. But most of my social time is without him, and I like it that way. I want our time together to be special. I want my time to be special with everyone who is important to me.